I was six-years-old when I realized that no one was coming to save me. I was fifteen when I faced one of the darkest nights, nearly marking the end of my life.

As a survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence and Complex-PTSD, I spent much of my life living in a state of fight-or-flight. I understand the pain, confusion, embarrassment, deep anguish, and hopelessness that comes with constantly replaying painful memories of the past and being a prisoner in one’s own mind. Although growing up, much of me appeared calm, collected, and at times, “perfect” to those around me— nothing could fill the empty void inside my battered and bruised heart. Not alcohol, partying, and drugs, not even “good” distractions like excessive work, vanity, and exercise could cover up my seeping wounds.

Out of my brokenness emerged a deep-seated fear I was unloveable and I would subconsciously push love away. I started to clam up, terrified to ever be seen, to be known, to truly be vulnerable. Paradoxically, I still always loved people and was giving all my love away, but at the same time I did not know how to receive it for myself.

Although my life felt like one giant mess, God was always in pursuit of me. No matter how far I ran, there was always that still, small, barely audible voice of hope inside of me. It was not until I found salvation in Jesus Christ, that I discovered profound rest & healing in the depths of my soul. His unconditional love pierced through the fractured parts of my heart, illuminating a path I had never known existed.

Through encountering God, I have learned to embrace who I truly am.

I am a woman full of scars. A woman who has come back from war many times over. A woman of strength. A woman of grit. A woman with an unapologetically soft heart.

I am not a victim to my circumstances, rather, I am an overcomer. Redeemed by Christ, I am a daughter of God and He has placed a new song in my mouth.

For the past four years, I have dedicated myself to inner healing— attending therapy, learning to be kind to my body, researching and educating myself on trauma & attachment styles, spending time reflecting in nature, learning to receive love in a healthy community, & long periods of sitting in silence & solitude with God.

Healing layers of compounded trauma has been one of the most incredibly hard & lengthy journeys I have ever embarked on. I am grateful for the long awaited joy that has come by allowing God to bind together my most tender wounds. When I was ashamed & thought all these parts of me had to remain hidden, God revealed the true beauty in my scars.

Sis, I’m here to tell you, it’s not over. It wasn’t for me & it’s not over for you. Your past does not have to be your future. In fact, your story is still being written, & I am here to help shine a light on who you really are & the amazing life God has waiting for you.